


Two Sides of the Same Coin

by Varia (Janie94)



Category: Bollywood Movies, Fan (2016)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, extended ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6676321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Varia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aryan sees Gaurav in the crowd, he knows he can't do this.<br/>When he sees that gentle smile spreading on the young man's face, Aryan knows he needs to fix this mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Sides of the Same Coin

**Author's Note:**

> This picks up the moment the movie ends, so please DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE!

 

For a moment it felt hauntingly real.

Aryan froze when he saw the familiar figure standing in the crowd, a gentle smile on his face. They stared into the other’s eyes for a long moment and it was the first time they saw each other for who they were; the man who had loved too much and the man who had closed himself off too much. The one man whose life had got lost in the fire of passion and unrequited love, the other man who’d survived the storm and had to live with the consequences. It was hard to tell who was luckier.

Aryan felt his chest tighten with guilt, his eyes filling with unshed tears. He closed his lids to keep them at bay and when he opened them again the image of Gaurav was gone. But it did nothing to ease his pain and he just waved to the crowd a few more times before climbing back behind the walls and into safety.

He entered his house where Gauri was watching him. Her gaze was sympathetic as though she suspected what he was thinking about. She probably did considering how well she knew him. He came to a halt in front of her and tried to force himself to smile, but it felt fake.

“Gauri, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asked and it sounded genuine. Once again Aryan was reminded that she was too good for him. 

“For dragging you and the children into my mess. I put your lives in danger just because of my stupid pride. That’s not only irresponsible as a husband but also as a parent. I know you will never forgive me and I have no right to ask anything from you but I have to.” He took a deep breath and carefully took her hand in his. “I want you to smile and go on. If not for yourself then for the children. And I’m sure with a bit of time you will learn to enjoy life again. You’re stronger than me, you have always been. That’s why I love you so much. ”

His rant was stopped by Gauri’s hand covering his mouth. “Stop it, please. I knew Gaurav’s death was affecting you more than you let on. But you don’t have to keep this from me. We’ll get through this and in the end everything will be alright.”

She pulled him into her arms and even though it was meant to comfort him, it did the exact opposite. Her touch burned his skin like fire and for a brief moment the scenery changed.

The body leaning against him was harder and stiff because it wasn’t relaxing into his embrace. Short black hair was tickling Aryan’s cheek and when he took a deep breath, his nose filled with the scent of sweat and more prominently blood. But underneath there was something light and sweet, almost innocent; Gaurav’s own scent that stood in stark contrast to the sickening stench of violence covering his frame.

As quick as the memory had appeared, it vanished and all he could smell was the flowery smell of his wife’s perfume.

He suppressed a shudder, trying to  take up her earlier words. “Yeah, everything will be alright. In the end. I promise.”

He pulled back and tried to fake a smile again. “You’re not the only one I owe an apology.” When Gauri’s brow furrowed in confusion, he continued. “His parents. They probably hate me right now and I can’t blame them. I took their son’s life.”

Gauri shook her head vehemently. “No, you didn’t kill him!”

Her denial to see the obvious made it worse. “Didn’t I? I ruined his life! If I hadn’t been such a stubborn asshole and apologized, it wouldn’t have come to this. No, scratch that! If I had given his five minutes in the first place, nothing would have happened!”

“Darling, you didn’t know anything about you except that he threatened Sid Kapoor’s life. No one is reproaching you for not trusting him.”

Her words only drove the blade deeper. “Stop defending me!” he cried out and she railed back in surprise.

Aryan closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She just continued to look at him, unsure which words to use to make him feel better.

“Honey, just... take the kids and drive to your parents. Try to take your mind off the things that happened.”

“Won’t you come with us?”

“I can’t. Like I said, I owe somebody an apology.”

“They won’t hear you out. I’m sure they don’t blame you for Gaurav’s death, not entirely at least. But for them, you’ll always be a reminder of their loss. They won’t want to see you.”

Aryan nodded. “I know they won’t. Not now, not ever. Not as long as all they can see, is their son’s blood on my hands. That’s why I will write them a letter.”

Gauri opened her mouth, probably to state the obvious – that they’d probably burn his letter right away – but then she thought better of it. “Okay. If it helps you, you should do that. I’ll take the children and stay with my parents for the weekend.” She turned away, but stopped in front of the stairs that led up to the bedrooms. “Aishwarya’s birthday bash is next week. I know you’re not in the right mood for a party right now, but we should go. She’s still upset you didn’t make it last year.”

Aryan hummed in agreement. It felt weird to be thinking about socializing now. Then a thought struck him. “Sid’s going to be there as well, right?”

Confusion crossed Gauri’s features. “I suppose. Why?”

Aryan kept his tone neutral. “He’s going to flirt with you again.” 

Gauri rolled her eyes. “Stop that jealousy act. He’s only doing it because he knows it annoys you. He likes to rile you up.”

Aryan shook his head gently. “No, you’re not getting my point. I just want to remind you of what I said last year.”

“What are you referring to?”

“Flirt with any guy, but please not him. He’s a moron and you deserve better.”

Gauri laughed loudly  before giving him a soft peck on the lips. “Sometimes I'd like to know what's going on in that head of yours”, she said mockingly, then she disappeared upstairs.

Aryan didn't move for the next hour as he watched Gauri and the children pack up their stuff and making some phone calls. Only when his daughter came up to him with a big frown, did he bend down to her.

“Daddy, why aren't you coming with us?”

Aryan smiled gently. “I have to take care of a few things first.” He pulled her small body into his arms and kissed her hair fondly. “Take care of your brother while I'm away, alright, little Princess?”

She giggled while her brother puffed in annoyance.

“I'm the older one, Dad, I'm the one who needs to look out for her.”

Aryan's smile turned into a grin as he turned his head to his son. “Yet you're usually the one who gets himself into trouble.” He hugged his son as well and proceeded to watch them leave with his wife.

Gauri turned back when she reached the front door. “I'll call you as soon as get there.”

Aryan nodded. “Yes, you should do that.” His soft smile returned, but it didn't look genuine anymore.

When the door closed behind Gauri, Aryan walked into his office silently. He sat down and stared at the empty piece of paper that he wanted to fill with words of comfort for Gaurav's parents. It had seemed like the right thing to do then, but now he had no idea how to put his thoughts into words.

After a few minutes of brooding he picked up the pen and started to write.

 

_ Dear Mr. and Mrs. Chandna _

 

_ I can imagine I'm the last person you want to talk to now. Probably ever. That's why I decided to write you this letter, because there are things that I desperately need to say. _

_ Let me start with the one thing that's haunting me the most. I want to tell you that you shouldn't think any different about your son, now that the world is trying to make him the bad guy in my story. _

_ I didn't know your son as well as I would have liked to do, but despite the short time I've known him, I have seen different sides of him. The good and the bad. It's all there, within each and every one of us, no matter how hard we try to hide it. _

_ Gaurav was different though. He never tried to hide his emotions, he let me see everything crystal clear. The moment we first met, his eyes lit up at my sight despite the pain he was in. No ten minutes later he told me in all seriousness that I was nothing without him.  _

_It was unsettling, to say the least. Especially for me, because for half of my life I have been trying to do the exact opposite. To wear the mask of 'Aryan Khanna, the King of Bollywood' when there was nothing but a scared boy behind. The one thing I have learned in the last few days is that I can't do that anymore. I have tried to bury myself behind my walls to protect myself and now that façade has almost squished that boy, the real Aryan, underneath. There is no place for both Aryans._

_It's ironic that I feel hollow though. I've felt so for a very long time, but I didn't realize it until recently. Gaurav has torn down the mask and challenged the real me._

_It was strange to be myself after so many years of Aryan Khanna's fake life. But it was beautiful._

_Gaurav made me realise that it was never me who should have pitied him. He was living his dreams no matter what others said and I was living a grand lie._

_I'm the one to blame for his death because I destroyed his dream. I didn't see that at first because all I cared about was protecting myself and my family. I didn't care for what I did to him, not until it was too late._

_I can't undo what's happened. And I'm not going to to apologize for driving your son to suicide. That might seem cruel to you, but my first apology belongs to somebody else._

_And I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness either because this can't be forgiven, I'm aware of that._

_I just want you to be proud of your son. He loved with all his heart. It's unfortunate that such a strong person chose to fall in love with somebody this weak._

_But I won't let his death be for nothing. I won't be living this lie any longer. And I promise to you that I will make it up to him in our next life._

 

_Aryan Khanna_

 

Aryan folded the piece of paper and dropped it on his desk before eying the small blade of the paper knife. Carefully he took it and fiddled it in his fingers until he could see his eyes in the reflection of the metal. Then he slowly brought it down to his left wrist. He pushed until the blade pierced his skin and set free a stream of crimson.

It wasn't as painful as Aryan had expected this to be. A stinging in his arm that left his hand numb.

When Aryan switched the paper knife to his other hand, h saw Gaurav leaning at his desk, watching him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“I want to be free”, Aryan replied and was surprised how true it felt. He slice open the skin on his right wrist and watched the dark blood running down his arms and dropping onto the carpet.

It made him feel strangely sleepy. He blinked when he felt a hand at his shoulder and looked back up at Gaurav. “Don't be afraid, Aryan. It will be over soon.” Aryan opened his mouth, but no sound escaped him. His vision was blurring and he felt himself sinking back into the back of his chair. He didn't resist when he was pulled into Gaurav's arm instead.

But there was still something at the back of his mind, something that wouldn't leave.

“I..” Aryan swallowed and tried again. “I'm sorry, Gaurav. For everything.”

His sight darkened suddenly, but he could still hear the soft smile in Gaurav's voice. “I know. And I forgive you.”

Then he let darkness consume him.


End file.
